Alright, welcome to the Canary in the Cage podcast. I'm Ron Morgan, my co-host Dave Havlicek.
We're here to entertain you and educate you and hopefully make you laugh. Guess who made
me laugh this week?
Um, JD Vance.
No, Trump. He won't talk to other people. Yeah, because you know, you know about Trump
is dead, right? Oh, it's not that one. And you know what, do you know what his, what
his posts were? It's hot down here.
Oh, God.
And then there is... Well, is that what that was referring to?
Yeah. And then there's this one. This is actually genius. So I don't care about the video because
there's just some guy who picked the video. So Trump just made a comment that maybe we
should take guns away from...
Well, actually the Department of Justice has also said they're actually looking into
that. So it's not just...
Okay, but it's not the Trump camp. Yeah. Do you think it's real or troll?
I wouldn't put it past them.
See, okay, so I think Trump is trolling them.
Trump has never been a gun guy. True. But he's a trodder like a motherfucker.
Yeah, but...
So he's now got the Democrats in Chicago and New York and now... Crime is not bad. Crime is good.
He's crime alone. He's leaving criminals alone. Now he's going to get them to go,
no, they deserve guns. They want guns. They can do the things. They have a right for guns.
The second amendment. So that's right.
I think he...
I wish he were that clever.
But...
Oh, come on. He doesn't like guns.
He's...
That's our term thing?
He doesn't like guns though.
So I mean, do you know that people are mailing Trump 2028 hats to Newsom?
Yeah.
I mean, this is great. So I think he's trolling.
He's not trolling. This guy is like... He said take the guns first, do process later.
He favors red flag laws. I mean, the guy...
Well, he did ban bump stocks.
That's right.
So you have valid reasons. But that's been overturned anyway.
Yeah, well...
And he is not a gun guy. I agree. Because technically, he is a Democrat.
I mean, he's just... He's the old school Democrat, which wasn't bad.
So...
No, well, yeah, let's just move on.
So I just think he's just getting the Democrat to say stupid shit like,
oh, don't come after us for a crime. Guns are good. They deserve guns.
That's not stupid. That's great.
No, I know. But for a Democrat to say that, especially a progressive...
Well, hey, look at...
He mentioned AOC out there.
I don't care.
They deserve guns.
That would be great.
Give them guns.
That's great.
More guns.
They have a government-sponsored...
I mean...
Everyone gets a gun program.
I mean, even Oprah is like, you get a gun. You get a gun. Everybody gets a gun.
That's how it used to work.
Look, shit. Look at some of the old catalogs for seers and shits.
Yeah.
Like Tommy Gunn.
Yeah.
$20.
Yeah.
Just mail it to me.
Like mail it to me.
If you want to... There is a place here in Vegas.
It is... It's on Valley View just past Charleston, towards my butcher.
Okay.
And it's a park.
Yeah.
And they've got a little train ride.
You can take the train ride or you can walk to it too.
To like old school...
Like when Vegas first started.
Okay.
Like no casinos.
It's just like a bank, a hotel.
And the bank...
Oh no, the general store has an old seers catalog.
They went to Guns for Sale.
Nice.
I used to probably have to be funny.
I helped. They used to get guns away in schools.
Of course.
Wait, shit. Even when I was young, we used to go shooting in schools.
Yeah.
Not those BB guns, to be fair, or pellet guns.
But...
No, they were all guns.
They were classes in schools, in certain areas.
Yeah.
That you...
It's not our street.
Why was it in the city?
Huh?
Why was it in the city?
Right.
So they made that...
Chicago's always scared of guns.
They only want the criminals having guns there.
We did in the Boy Scouts.
It wasn't at school, per se, but it was in a school building.
No, but I'm saying some schools that have a school program
about shooting guns, they would give away guns to like the best person who meets, I don't know,
who apparently might be a trans.
He gets a gun?
I don't know.
But whatever.
Yeah, guns just got bad because mental illness got crazy.
And medicine got fucked people up.
It has to be the medicine, dude.
It has to be.
I'm not...
Um...
I'm not...
Well...
Okay, what do you think the school shooting started for?
I have no idea.
Like, it's...
I mean, it could be related to that.
It's...
Because that was around the same time when they started giving Ritalins to everybody
for ADD and shit.
Yep, the mid-90s.
And like, I just barely avoided that shit.
Oh, dude, they went hard in the pain for getting my son on Ritalin.
And I'm like, nope.
My little cousin...
Like, I'm the oldest cousin and all my cousins were on it.
And like, people like two years younger than me in grade, like...
And I wasn't like a goofy kid, but we had goofy kids in our class.
Yeah.
And they didn't get put on any drugs.
Yeah, no, one of my favorite quotes, I don't know who said it, but they said,
if the world cured ADD, the world would be a very boring place.
Because ADD people are funny.
Well, there's also like a lot of innovation that comes from people like that.
Yeah.
Right?
If you can...
If you find that niche of theirs and they can focus on it,
yeah, like they'll fucking make a billion dollar business.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And now we're preventing all that shit.
So what happened to me?
I don't know.
Oh, is this not a billion dollar business?
No.
We're gonna do a billion dollars this year?
Yeah, right.
Come on, let's add up how much money we've made so far.
Negative...
Negative one monero, you think?
Yeah.
So you're from Chicago, but you're not a drinker?
No.
Have you ever drank?
Nope.
So if I were to tell you malort, you wouldn't know what the fuck I'm talking about.
I heard...
Is it a type of hardened wine or something?
I put it here on my shelf because I introduced my 80s style radio up there last week.
This is my introduction this week.
Interesting.
This is malort.
It's a liquor.
Okay, yeah.
It, by far...
Why are there floaties in there?
It's the most disgusting tasting liquor in the world.
So imagine...
Oh, you went over the taste line.
So imagine...
You're walking down the street and you see a homeless guy all sweaty and just laying there
sleeping and you take the socks off and you take said socks to a gallon of gas.
Oh my god.
And you soaked it in the gallon of gas for at least a week.
Why?
Is it that flavor?
And then you pull it out of the gas and you squeeze it into a glass.
Okay, what flavor is it supposed to be?
What the...
This homeless guy's sweaty socks.
There's no way that's the intention.
No, but that's what it has to be.
That's what it tastes like.
Go to YouTube, dude.
Go to YouTube on this.
People that have videos...
Jepsen's malort.
They have videos of people tasting it for the first time and their reaction.
Branvin flavored.
It's a Nordic term for distilled liquor,
generous in potatoes, grain, wood.
Okay, it's like a vodka type.
And then it's supposed to have an anise and wormwood.
Okay, so it's like licorice and then wormwood.
I'm okay with natural licorice, but it's hard to find.
Yeah, so...
And it's got to be subtle, not the nasty...
So here's the funny thing.
Okay, so if you...
If you wanted...
There were quite a few bars in Chicago.
They were neighborhood bars, and this is what Chicago's full of.
If you wanted to be considered a local,
you had to do a couple of shots of malort.
You want to hang out here, you want to hang with the cool kids,
you got to shoot malort.
So we did.
It was all fun and games and some people couldn't do it.
They'd spit it out.
We don't care.
But last night, I went out to dinner.
Yeah.
Just my son and I.
And I'm not going to say where we went,
because I'm not going there anymore, because the food is good.
The service will work on you?
No, the service is just fucking horrible.
They're obviously losing business,
so they feel that we'll just cut staff and not have a bartender,
and have the waitresses do the bartender.
Good idea.
And when I showed...
So my credit card has a Chicago City skyline on it.
Yeah.
I mind this too, actually.
Yeah.
And she goes, oh, you're from Chicago?
I go, yeah.
I go, we've lived here for like seven years.
I left Chicago like 10, 11 years ago.
And she goes, oh, so you're familiar with malort?
I go, yeah, how do you know about malort?
So apparently there's a bar in California
that serves it as well.
And I saw on Face...
On LX about two weeks ago,
there was a bar in Seattle advertising malort.
It's these fucking Chicago's.
We're going everywhere and we're bringing this shit with us.
What the fuck?
I mean, yeah, it's...
Bring the Green River.
So I know.
We know Green River's here.
I saw it at one place, like the Amore, I think, has it?
Oh, yeah.
And so it is Chicago style food,
dressed like it usually has it.
But so I was at a bar, I don't know, four or five years ago,
and the owner thought she'd be cool and go,
oh, free shots.
If you don't make a face, it's free.
If you make a face, it's $10.
And I go, well, I can do that.
And I can drink malort.
So we do our shot.
And I'm like, I didn't make a fucking face because I'm like,
and turn that, oh, it's water.
And I'm like, bitch, I'm better at going home
than I fucking bought a malort and show you what some taste like.
I mean, really?
Yeah.
But that was a bar you had to really watch your bar tab.
You had like big little ticks on having bar.
Yeah, they like to run up your bar tab.
Whatever, you know, there's skim artists everywhere in this world.
All right.
So I want to talk about something.
Oh, cool.
Because last week we were talking about Cracker Barrel.
Yeah.
And you called me out on, I said, this is, I said that the CEO is not the person who
came up with this idea.
And you called me out kind of jokingly, but you're saying, well, where's your evidence?
You know, because I always say that to you.
So I went and found this blog post that they made in 2021,
which said they're changing their logo to be more diverse.
And the CEO was hired in 2023.
So if you remember what I said, though, I said Cracker Barrel has been very woke for years.
They have brought in DEI training.
Yes.
So right.
So maybe this particular CEO didn't pick the redesign of the sign, but I do believe,
for sure, she was the redesign of the best.
That's why they brought her to be the fall guy.
Yeah.
That's what it was.
And by the way, that's not Uncle Herschel in the logo, apparently.
That's this is Cracker Barrel's own website.
What does it say?
It's not Uncle Herschel.
Uncle Herschel was a real guy.
He was the uncle of the creator.
Okay.
But apparently the the art is just some random cartoon that they can't play.
Ah.
That's a very well-known fact.
No, but remember they're very woke.
I don't know.
So when you say Uncle Herschel, everyone's like, well, that's a white dude.
It could be.
So they might have been trying.
And you're like, I don't know.
I mean, I just wanted to do that follow-up.
Since I did say last week, I never knew what the dude's name was until until last week.
Right.
So whatever.
So I might be wrong on Cracker Barrel.
It's not going to eat there anyway.
There's one in town.
The food's disgusting now.
And it used to be because now they buy frozen food trying to save them almighty dollars.
So so the CEOs and the investors could buy another mansion.
Welcome to inflation.
Yeah.
No, dude, there's nothing to do with inflation.
Yes, it does.
That's all inflation.
What is?
When quality starts going down and prices start going up.
But this has been going on for for quite a few years.
Yes.
And the Federal Reserve has been in place since 1913.
So, okay.
So you're familiar with the Titanic.
Yeah.
Do you know three people on the Titanic were against the Federal Reserve?
I tried to verify that and I can't find an actual evidence of that.
So there's stories of it.
Yeah.
Yeah, but there were stories.
But they were a story.
They were a story.
Yeah.
So I'm not very, because I haven't verified it yet either.
I think I found that one of them did make some mumblings against it.
But the other two, I could not find any evidence at all.
Do you know they actually think it wasn't the Titanic that sunk?
Have you really, have you heard about this?
The white way, what?
So the people that built the Titanic also had a smaller version than the Titanic.
Okay.
And that ship had problems.
Okay.
And they think that's the one they sunk.
And there's actually a documentary out.
No, no, there's actually a documentary out of people scuba diving or maybe taking the
little scooter thing down there to count the stacks on the ship.
Because one had one less boiler than the other.
Yeah, but they've been down to the Titanic.
Like they've been down there forever.
But did they count the stacks?
Of course.
You can still see the stacks.
Okay.
But I'm saying that this might be free.
I don't know where the documentary at.
Yeah, I don't know.
It's not a conspiracy.
They've been diving there since the 80s, I think.
Maybe even earlier.
It's not a conspiracy I follow.
I just, I heard it.
I'm like, well, that's really fucking weird.
I've heard this, this Federal Reserve story because the Titanic sank one year before the
Federal Reserve.
So the story is that these guys were fighting against the Fed while like the JP Morgan types
were fighting for it.
And they somehow got them on the Titanic and then sank it to stop them or whatever.
Did they like 1900 style like, rope their feet in their hands and they're like,
they can their mouth.
They were going to tie it with the train tracks, but they figured they throw them in the
Titanic.
I think that's just like such a simple narrative.
And the dude that did it had that mustache was like,
Mwah!
But it is fucked up how they got the Fed through.
Like if you there's a book called The Creature from Jekyll Island.
So Jekyll Island is this resort in Georgia.
And like all these JP Morgan fuckheads, they secretly left New York and Washington,
DC and all the places they lived.
Like they actually had like people running cover for them so they could sneak on the trains.
They were the only person on the train.
Okay.
Right.
So they all go down to Jekyll Island and they planned the Federal Reserve.
Okay.
They said, we're going to do it like this and we're going to get the government to pass it
like this and like we're going to be in control of the US and we're going to,
they didn't talk about going off gold yet because that was in the 70s.
But.
So I have a question about that.
Yeah.
The first thing you said, you said there's a, a book, what's it?
It's like it's a paper.
Oh.
With words on it.
Really?
Yeah.
They have those?
Yeah.
And it has information.
Like we got more here.
Oh shit.
We go to the moon and we fake the moon and we got books.
Sorry.
I'm just not a big reader.
I prefer to get all my topics from headlines.
I actually haven't read that book, but from what I hear, it's got a lot of juicy info in there.
It's been very, very well researched.
Nobody's ever been able to refute it.
And a lot of the things that, when he wrote that book, that information had not been made public yet.
Okay.
And it later, it later got declassified and it validated the book.
So, okay.
You may have been part of this conversation or not back when I went to the libertarian meetings.
This is a couple of years ago though.
I had made the claim that Abraham Lincoln was gay.
Yeah, you can say that.
Well, no, but hold on though.
And I go, they're like, no, he's not.
I go, no, he was.
There's a book, a book with the pages and the squiggly lines.
And those squiggly lines form, I guess, like words.
Yeah.
And those words go sentences and then I pair of graphs.
And the Life Magazine gave it a good review.
So no, and no one came out and said, he was not gay.
They actually named people that he was gay with.
And it was always the head of his security.
Kind of like when people make claims that they'll show up on as a dude and no one's like,
wow, you can't be.
Whoa.
There's no proof.
But there is, but whatever.
But no, so there is a book that says Abraham Lincoln's gay.
And I don't really care if he was or wasn't.
It's just really funny to say in a room full of people that are like,
what the fuck did that dude just say?
Yeah.
Also one of the most evil presidents we had.
Yeah.
The Lincoln book, like I didn't, again, I didn't read the book,
but I did look up when you mentioned it.
And yeah, like nothing in there is apparently outright false.
He's just putting his spin on it to make it seem like that's what it is.
And he might be right.
So yeah.
And there's no way to know.
I mean, look at Mary Todd.
We've done this before.
She looks like a dude.
Like Michelle Obama looks like a dude.
Okay.
Before I get just my opinion, I could be wrong, probably not.
So don't sue me, please.
RFK has been fucking killing it.
And this dumbass here, okay, start this video over.
She is so stupid.
Bokeh Hannes cannot understand Robert.
He calls her out every time and that's the fucking look you get.
Play the video.
I never promised that I was going to recommend products with which there's no indication.
When you said, and I know you've taken $855,000 from pharmaceutical companies,
Senator.
I wish they included the question.
I know.
I wish they included her response in full.
But wait, did I save the other?
Bill Maher in him, he also, Bill Maher, let me scroll down here real quick.
I was, I don't think I saved this one because I wasn't going to play it.
But Robert F. Kennedy was in front of Congress today,
just destroying them.
And everyone's freaking out.
Oh, by the way, we got to fucking bullet with this fucking.
He could have been the vice president.
Dear God, he's coming out even more weird and wacky.
This one.
Is it?
Yeah.
Okay.
Play the video.
There's 25% of Americans who believe that they know somebody who was killed,
a couple of vaccine killed, killed 25% of Americans.
52% of Americans believe that the vaccines are causing injuries, including death.
52%.
Oh, if you look at the clinical trial studies, the actual studies that were done that were
released of the Pfizer vaccine, Moderna has not released this.
If you look at the Pfizer vaccine, there was, there were 22,000 people in the placebo group,
22,000 people got the actual vaccine.
And the people who got the vaccine had a 23% higher death rate from all causes.
At the end of that study.
That could not be the disease itself.
Well, because we know if it is and the vaccine doesn't work.
What is he talking about?
It's a slam dunk.
He is fucking dunked on fucking Dolmar and Dolmar like, oh, well, uh, uh.
I don't understand why we, why would you say something like that?
Like this is the vaccinated group who is dying at a higher rates than the placebo group.
Yeah.
But Bill Maher is like, well, that couldn't have been the virus itself.
Oh, we're talking about the vaccinated people.
What?
Slam dunk in your face.
Oh, bitch.
I can't find Bill Maher kind of funny.
What have we got going on here?
Oh yeah.
So, so fucking Canada is like a member Biden back, like kind of like
before Trump took over, he went and killed chickens.
He killed a ton of fucking chickens.
So, so, um, Canada is kind of taking the lead of that and they're killing the Austerges.
And I'm like, don't fucking kill him.
Send him to me.
I'll buy some land.
I love that some ostriches.
Ostriches running around town.
Are they killing them now?
Yeah.
It's, uh, well, that's a 24 minute video.
So why are they killing them?
Uh, uh, a bird flu.
Yeah.
Made up.
Oh, you know, you know, like in Canada, in one of the territories, there's, there's
Alberta, Vancouver, the French speaking place that nobody, anybody's assholes at?
Quebec.
One of them, you cannot go hiking.
That's Nova Scotia.
Okay.
James O'Keeffe went hiking with someone and they actually find them $25,000.
Just don't pay.
What are you going to do?
That's what other guys are going to find out in court.
Why?
Just don't even pay.
Because it's, it's again, the difference is me, I would fight it in court.
You're not Canadian.
They can't do anything.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
In general, I fight for other people and you want to care about yourself, which is fine.
I'm not, I'm not criticizing you.
No, because by, by refusing to pay them, I'm also helping other people.
I'm showing the other people, hey, we can just ignore these retards like don't obey them.
Don't fight them in court.
Just don't obey them.
Nope.
Fight them in court.
Why?
The court is them.
So this is the Chinese military thought they would put on a display.
I'm not going to play the whole video because I'm talking about.
So for some reason, communist countries do this a lot.
Yeah.
We do it too.
Well, don't trump it.
It's the only one that's ever done it and trumped it.
No, we've been doing military parades for them.
Like this?
Not like this.
No, but like we still do military parades.
So this is my response to the Canadian middle, the China military.
I'm going to kind of, this is another long video, but.
Nice ad.
Oh, fucking ads.
You don't have ad block in front of you.
I did a whole show on ad blocking.
Yeah, I used to have.
So this is our military parade.
Don't copyright strike this.
This is fair use.
Yeah.
Oh, no.
Where the hell have you been, soldier?
Training, sir.
What kind of training, son?
Army training.
Army training, sir.
That's my last bag.
Are you better?
Hey, that's your order.
Order.
Sustained.
Right.
Who are the chicken across the road?
They're getting rid of the rest of the right.
Right.
Hey.
He stepped out of the ring.
Got hit by a wing.
He ain't the chicken on the hook.
No.
Nothing.
Look.
This is the movie in the early 80s.
This guy's not entertained as back then.
John Candy.
Brass old dance old.
One, two, three, four.
Quick, ground, flat, shoot.
Open the lazy nose.
Sir.
Where's your drill sergeant, man?
Drill sergeant.
Sir.
These are drill sergeants got blown up.
Yes, sir.
These are sergeant monkeys.
I'm the sergeant.
He's off the mountain.
This is the movie Stripes came out in the early 80s.
But the reason I did this comparison is you've got the
communist military, you know, walking in lockstamp and like,
everybody's like does the same thing.
I mean, I'd say Bill Murray, Bill Murray and his guys did a similar, you know,
and they lockstamp.
But who's going to fight harder for their country?
Okay.
Well, this is the 80s again.
So my point is, I mean, you go, you go to the military base, they're drinking beer,
you know, they're not forced to be in the military.
They want to be there.
The problem is like none of these guys fight for our country.
Right.
They have no one's fought for our country since what, 1812?
I mean, like, well, technically, you know, you got a little civil war in there.
It was true.
Jeff wasn't fighting for our country.
The East person was fighting for their country in both America.
Well, okay.
I would say some people in the South were fighting for their country.
Nobody in the North was.
Right.
They were fighting to take over someone else's country.
Which used to be theirs.
Okay.
So what?
Like, okay, two people get divorced.
I'm going to go into her house and beat the shit out of her until she comes back.
No, you can't do that.
Like, she might have a bad reason for him to divorce.
But again, I'm against war.
I'm anti-war, but I also say our military, I think, would fight harder.
Yeah.
I think if someone actually attacked us, like, we would fight harder.
The military, like, fuck the military.
Oh, so when all these immigrants bond together and are attacking us.
Which isn't going to happen.
We'll see about that.
But that's why I'm not worried.
That's going to happen.
Even if it happens, I'm not worried.
That's why.
Right.
No, no, I agree.
Because you're just going to hear a cumulative across the country.
Exactly.
Is this going to echo?
Yeah.
What was that noise?
So guys, my god, it's a fucking shotgun being loaded.
Because that is the most scariest sound on the earth is the shotgun being wrecked.
What have we got going on here?
This Irish man who passed away.
Oh, okay.
So I need to change my will.
Like, last week I told Dave he needs to change his will so he could donate his brain to me.
I thought about my response to you because you said I'm going to die first.
I mean, historically speaking, the rule of average is you're probably right.
Because I am older than you.
I'll probably see 75, 76 and I'll check out.
No, no, no.
I mean, I'm drinking less.
I'm working exercise in.
Not smoking as much.
But in reality, you're going to snap off with the wrong person within the next five years.
You know, I was going to shoot you the next five years.
I've been thinking that my whole life and it's never happened.
So it's coming.
I mean, like I'm still I'm 43.
All right.
So so I'm going to change my funeral for so my wife can do this.
Hello.
Let me out.
Hello.
So it's a guy in the coffin.
Hello.
Oh, by the way, you're all welcome to my funeral.
We'll post all the episode online because actually prior to this.
Oh, no.
Oh, I'm calling you.
So prior to this, I've always had my wife.
I don't want a funeral at a funeral home.
I don't want a gravesite thing.
Just go to a bar, have a celebration of my life.
Everybody tells the stupid stories about stupid shit that I did.
But it's got to end like this.
I mean, seriously, if I can sit there, I have to record it ahead of time.
I should record it.
Hello.
Give me the fuck out of here.
I'm not really dead.
Stuff like that.
So I guess I have to work on this.
I've got some evidence that Trump might be listening to our show and is starting to see my view on immigration.
So last week, HUD came out with a Section 8 policy update.
And now some of the right wing retards on Twitter are saying they're going to check for citizenship.
Correct.
Because Section 8, if you don't know, is like a voucher you get that you could use to pay for an apartment or whatever.
And it has to be like a qualified apartment.
And it's not only citizens.
So it's other legal immigrants.
So like green cards, student visas.
And like you can actually live in Section 8 as an illegal immigrant.
But what they do is they determine the household size.
And then only the legal people would get their voucher.
And then like you, as the illegal...
I didn't know that.
Yeah, you could do that.
But so that's what the law says.
And HUD came out affirming that law.
But they said we're now going to start checking that you're eligible.
So apparently for the last 10 years or something, they were not checking eligibility at all.
So illegal people, we're just getting money to live with it.
That's like USAID.
So that's one of my policy proposals.
So what is Trump's thought about it though?
I don't know if Trump has said anything.
Because keep in mind, they've got Biden people still working in...
Yeah, yeah.
So this could be...
Because look at the CDC.
You see what they fucking did?
They're all walking off their job.
Robert of Kimmy doesn't know what he's talking about.
He's going to kill people.
No, you dumbasses.
You all fucked up.
Well, so...
I think it was...
It might have been in executive order that instructed HUD
Why can you be even...
So if you have anchor babies essentially?
Okay, so a green card holder.
Yeah.
Should they get free housing?
Well, should or not...
Because it's not necessarily 100% free.
It's a percentage based on your income.
Right.
But I guess if it gives them...
If they have a five-year plan, like you get five years, you get...
Well, I think they should just give it to the whole system entirely.
It's fucking stupid.
That's kind of what I'm...
If you're going to have the law, right...
And the law says you have to either be a citizen
or eligible immigrants.
And you're not checking anybody.
Okay, well, that's how we get the problem
of Venezuelan gangs that you show up, right?
Because they're like, oh, free housing.
And no one's going to check.
So like when you shut this off
to actually follow that law,
some of those bad people are going to stay home.
So...
Speaking of Venezuelan, did you hear
the Navy blew up a U-boat full of...
I saw it. No, I saw.
Maryland citizens or Maryland men?
Well, I don't know who those people were.
No, fuck, I always get that wrong.
Maryland men in S-13.
Maryland men in S-13?
It's in S-13.
Was it just innocent people?
Well, the claim was trained at Raguá.
Oh, I thought it was in S-13.
No, it's in S-13, it's in Mexico.
Trained at Raguá is in Venezuela.
But that was the claim, but there's...
I mean, the video's grainy as fuck.
You can't see it on the boat.
The claim was that there's 11
trained at Raguá people running
drugs in the Caribbean, and we just blew them up.
Which, you know, show me the fucking evidence.
Well, one, show me the evidence.
Two, since when can you just blow people up?
Right? The Coast Guard needs to
fucking board them and turn them away
if that's what's going on.
Yeah, well, they weren't in Coast Guard
protected water, though.
Why are we interfering at all?
Maybe they were coming to America.
Maybe they were going to Mexico.
They were coming in from Ireland in a boat.
You gotta blow them up.
Fucking stupid.
I don't get why, and so many of the...
Again, the Red Wing retards on Twitter,
they're all defending this, and it's just like,
well, you people, right?
Especially the ones that are
like super Trump fans who hate George Bush,
will go on and on and on about
oh, the aluminum tubes, they lied.
They lied about the babies and the incubators.
They lied about the yellow cake.
They lied about this, they lied.
Even now, you fucking retards,
that's all they do is lie, right?
Whether Trump... Maybe Trump
is receiving the lies and he doesn't know
any better, but the fucking intelligence
community, all they do is lie.
Why do you believe that these are fucking drug runners?
Show me the fucking evidence.
So, speaking of like illegals and drug
runners, they tried closing
alligator... Alcatraz this week.
Right. And then they...
believe the Supreme Court or
somebody higher up than the fucking federal judge
probably a point about Obama
said, no, they can stay open.
But no, it bothers me because
I mean, yeah, they're
in a prison, but it's got no fences.
They can walk away anytime.
What's the problem? I mean, seriously.
I mean, they're not in
like high fences and should just walk away.
Please.
I carry a GoPro
connected to the internet, to the cloud,
so we can watch you get eaten by a fucking alligator.
I'm pretty sure they figured out how to get behind that
but beyond the alligators.
I mean, alligators are stupid. They're just lizards.
Yeah, but
we're talking like a lot
of alligators. Well, if there's too many of them
to start eating each other, and then you just walk right by.
Don't think they eat each other. Yeah, they will.
They'll eat anything. Did you know a lying
can kill an alligator?
I'm sure. Well, the video that I
saw, an alligator attacked
a cub, a lying cub. Okay.
And the father said, fuck that.
And came in and just went to business,
went to town on this. Seems like a reasonable
thing to have. No, no, no.
No, no, no. Great. It's nature. So whoever wins
wins. I don't know if I'm with that.
But send me the ostriches though. I really want them.
But
you would think, because
dinosaurs are the closest thing we have to dinosaurs,
correct? We. Alligators.
Dinosaurs are the closest thing we have to dinosaurs, right?
Actually, no. Birds are. Birds.
Birds are closer to dinosaurs than alligators are.
I thought. Well, it depends on what kind of dinosaur
there was a version of alligators as dinosaurs.
That's the thing. There's different
branches of dinosaurs. So
they're getting into. They have a very hard
rigid outside.
Yeah.
Well, some dinosaurs. I mean, I touch one.
Tyrannosaurus Rex had feathers.
Okay. Yeah.
But I guess I didn't know. I guess, but I guess
if a lion's teeth clamps down on an alligator,
can it penetrate that
hard exterior shell? Oh, yeah. Yeah.
The lion can bite it like fucking 5,000
pounds per square inch. It's fucking ridiculous, dude.
You know, an alligator, they, they're
opening their mouth has like
almost no muscles there.
It's the closing that gets you.
So that's why they can duct tape the nose.
They can't break the duct tape.
Yeah. I don't know. It's the
fact that I learned. I don't know why.
So it's why alligator
people just fucking clamp down on the nose
and then walk right out. Yeah.
But
then the mosquitoes get them. Well. And those
serious motherfucker mosquitoes, but they had the snakes
too. Don't get the snake because they're also
overwhelmed with boat, boat, boat
constructors. They're not native.
They're not native to that land. Really?
But people have released them.
There's like little jet like big wars.
Yeah. They, but now they're
overrun and they actually have a bounty on
boat constructors. Oh my God. So people go out hunting
snakes. I know they have water moccasins down
there because I've run into those. Yeah.
Yeah. So what are we
going on here? That's what I did have that one already
saved up.
I didn't think I did, but whatever.
We'll just move on. Who does this look like to you?
You already wrote it.
Howard Stern.
What the fuck?
Yeah. That's Harris's daughter.
Yeah. Who's transitioning to a man.
The most beautiful woman in the world. She doesn't get a gun
anymore. The most beautiful woman in the world.
Did, did, is that,
I mean, we do a DNA test.
Fuck you looks like a young version of Howard Stern.
And how
was a black woman? Wait. Well, did Kamala give
birth to her or is she a step mother?
Oh, maybe.
I don't know. Maybe the dude that likes to slap
his girlfriends, her husband.
I gave my opinion. I could be wrong, but
he actually did on video slap a woman. So I
guess, but, because he, because this one, this is
actually how it's done. Yeah.
Yeah.
And then the owner Howard Stern, no, but the
younger one, I mean, what the fuck?
I didn't know this was even on the side.
Yeah.
But I will say, go back up for a second.
If I saw her,
the other cactus.
Which one? Oh. Right there. That would be me.
What the fuck, dude?
I mean, I saw that. I legit thought it was Howard
Stern, right? This Howard Stern.
But it's not.
Okay. It's all I got to say about that.
All right. Um,
what do we got here?
So this was going to be an hour challenge, but
it is not. Nope.
Cause that's a, this is like up too easy
to look up. Well, it's like, it's like, this is
like old school, like texting.
So you had to hit
the number one time for the first letter, two
times for the second letter, because he didn't
even know this. Nope. And I'm like, I, I didn't
think this was like a hidden thing because even my
son was texting this way. I did not have a phone
like this. Yeah. I had the right, the motor
roller razor. Do you remember that one? Oh yeah.
You use the arrow keys to do that. Okay.
So this is, I think the Nokia, if I'm not
mistaken, looks like a Nokia.
So basically the surprise was
it smells like your cunt.
Or you are, you know, um,
yeah, because it's you are a word, letters, the
A is the two that you push to one time. Right. Right. Right. Right.
And then you push two, three times. That's the C
you push eight, two times.
That's the you. It's your cunt.
So, um,
speaking of the Monero challenge.
So you would be the Monero challenge first.
Oh, well, do you want to do the giveaway first
or the next challenge first?
You, dealer's choice, you pick.
Uh, let's do the challenge.
Okay. So this video I found online, um,
I believe you said it's commercial.
This is a Cadbury's, um,
I don't know if it was for the eggs or some other
candy, but Cadbury's is like a candy company.
They legit only make Easter eggs because that's all
big, anything else. So,
what movie does this remind you of?
What movie does this remind you of?
Yeah, it's fucking mad.
This is really long.
No, it's not.
It's not so meant 30. Yeah.
But you can cut it once the drum solo kicks in.
I didn't do it coming in the air tonight.
Oh, no.
I didn't leave it for the song.
I don't know why I got it.
Also, it is a badass song.
I didn't do it coming in the air tonight.
Oh, no.
I didn't leave it for the song.
Oh, no.
So, what movie?
Apparently there's a movie that has a similar scene in it.
Yeah, similar.
So, tell us what that movie is.
Do you know the story about these drums?
No.
It's a sound, that 80s drum sound.
Yeah.
It's called reverb.
So, he's actually the guy that discovered it.
Really?
Really.
So, they were in the studio, they were just fucking around,
and someone hit the switch and moved it up all the way.
And he's like, oh, I love the way that sounds might.
And he just became
fucking Phil Collins at that moment.
Okay, I wasn't going to bring this up either,
but we actually were going through the show pretty quick.
So, ah, shit.
Ah, shit.
Best.
I don't know.
He's from guitar.
It's one of those legends, I guess, somewhere.
That's guitarist,
and I think it would be the one I would actually
I.S.T.
Okay.
I want to see the stories up here.
Because it...
Prince?
That's what I want to talk about.
There was a list of the best guitars
and Prince was not on it.
Okay, I don't think he belongs on it.
But one of the guys on the list,
I'm trying to remember who it was,
they asked him, like, oh, what's...
It's one of the guys on the list, I don't see the list here.
They asked him, what's it like
being the best guitarist in the world?
Because I don't know, why don't you ask Prince?
No, that's...
Okay, that's not...
So, the person who was asked the question
is Eddie Van Halen.
That's not what the story said, but I don't know what that was.
That's the original story.
Okay.
And I forget who Eddie Van Halen said,
but it was like a jazz fusion guy that no one's ever heard of.
No, no, no.
But everybody changes the story every time they tell it.
This was...
So, there was a group of people
on stage, all the best
guitarists that were alive at the time.
Okay.
Prince was on that fucking stage, dude.
I mean, he's good, but he's not one of them.
That he just kills it then.
Damn it.
Yeah, that story's been going around for a while.
Let's see if I can find it here.
Yeah, I don't know.
But honestly, most of the best guitars in the world
are people that no one's ever heard of.
Or very few people have heard of.
Oh, here's the story.
Clapton said, I don't know.
Yeah, let's see.
The original story was Eddie Van Halen
and he said some jazz fusion guy that I don't remember
who he said.
But the greatest living guitarist...
It's even hard to say because there's different
types of guitar music.
Right.
You could say rock guitar, blues guitar, jazz guitar.
Fuck, man.
I'm not even referring to the electric guitar.
So let's start there. So no acoustics,
no banjos.
Fuck, it's so hard.
Steve Vai is up there. He's into contention.
I mean, Jimi Hendrix, you gotta be...
We did.
He is the best of all time.
For sure.
People still are wondering how the fuck
he pulled off the things he did.
He could listen to a song
and then instantly play it back perfectly.
Really?
Yeah, the first time he's ever heard the song.
He could play either handed
with the guitar upside down
because he's a left handed guitarist.
And most guitars back then
were only made right handed.
So what he did was he would flip the guitar
around to play left handed, but now the strings
are all upside down. So he had to learn to play
upside down strings.
Jesus.
And then once they started making left handed guitars
because he's Jimi fucking Hendrix, he had to learn how to play it correctly.
And he actually got into the electronics of it.
So he would
rewire his pickups
and change the number of coils
around there to get different sounds.
I mean, the guy was just fucking
out of this world how good he was.
I don't know. Was he from Seattle?
He lived there.
I don't know if he was born there.
Because I did like this though. They have a statue of him.
I
went to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and we saw his guitars.
That was cool.
Oh, come on. Stop this bullshit.
What are you doing?
I click on that picture. Over here. Click on the statue.
Yeah, the statue.
That's the statue. Yeah.
Oh, nice. Yeah. It's in Capitol Hill.
It's cool.
Because I think he's a great guitarist.
I'm not into the heavy metal scene.
But I mean, they do comply.
He really was a heavy metal though, was he?
He was what was?
He used to do classic guitar, classic rock.
So,
yeah, because there was actually a guy who told
a story on the radio unrelated to this.
It just happened to, I don't know if my computer,
my phone heard it and then told my computer
to show it to me and then
probably got with my TV
and my fringe and they all talked about it.
But the guy on the radio was like,
yeah, back in 1984, he goes, I ran a rock show.
A rock radio station.
And he goes, we played
a Prince song.
And he goes, now this is before the internet,
before email, before text.
He's like, our phones blew up going,
what the fuck are you playing a Prince song for?
Now, he didn't bring up that
Prince is the best, was a great guitarist.
Right. But now, once I heard that,
I'm like, well, kind of technically
Prince wasn't
a hard rocker,
but if he played the guitar just as good,
why not?
I mean, show him some respect.
One, it depends on which song they play,
because he does have a lot of shitty songs.
There's one particular song that says,
he shows off his guitar skills.
And I don't remember.
I remember Little Red Corvette.
That's the song they remember.
But that's not the song about the guitar.
Purple Rain has some guitars.
Yeah, I'd have to look that up.
But no, he was really good.
All right, let's give away some hero.
So last week, I said I'm going to Bernat US flag.
And I wanted
the viewers to get a chance to also
burn things that they want to burn.
Well, no one actually did that.
Why? You guys let me down.
Hold on a second.
So first, we have Al McGaest.
And his entry was
Dianetics by Al Rod Hubbard.
The Scientology book. All the books?
No, just Dianetics.
No, no. You got to go and get them all
and burn them. Or just one.
What do you mean? Like all the books ever published
Dianetics by Al Rod Hubbard. We should burn all those books.
Well, that would be nice.
I don't have that kind of
or build like they do at Burning Man.
Build a statue of me.
I don't have that kind of scratch.
But I'll tell you this though.
I was hoping I could go down to the local church
of Scientology and just get a free copy.
Dude, do not go in there.
Holy fuck.
I know you guys have heard that they're a cult.
And it's worse than that.
So I made sure to not park in their parking lot
and they'd run you. Like fuck that.
I parked on the street. I walked in there
and the woman is like super friendly.
They're all super fucking friendly.
There's only one woman I talked to.
And she's like, oh, what brings you in today?
I said, oh, I got a friend and he said I need to pick up
one of these because they had the Dianetics copies.
Yeah.
Clever. I had to tell them the truth.
But I'm being honest.
And she's like, oh, well, I think they're $25.
But the woman who does the sales
she's on a break right now.
They already do it.
That shit. It's amazing how fucking it's going down.
Have a seat.
Oh, why are you waiting? Why don't you talk to this guy?
So she calls the woman
and she does the thing.
She starts trying to talk to me and
oh, what are you interested in?
She has a fucking form that they want you to fill out.
Now I put a fake name on there because I'm fucking stupid.
I think I'm gonna set your ass up.
Good job.
And like I'm just sitting there waiting
and she goes,
did you want to pay with cash or card?
Oh.
And I'm like, oh, I pay with cash.
And she's like, oh, I'm gonna have to
let her know.
And I'm like, you know what, I'm kind of in a hurry.
So if it's gonna be more than five minutes
I'll come back later.
So she's like,
well, why don't you come and look around?
I'm like, no, I really don't.
So I just fucking bolted the fuck out of there.
Fuck that dude.
Do not go in there.
I'm gonna go to the court with a tambourine.
If you are not prepared for cult tactics,
do not go in there at all.
Holy fuck, it's bad.
But I will get one on Amazon
and we will burn that shit up.
I'm sure you'll find one.
So Matt McHugh is our next entry
and he says the Book of Mormon.
Oh, Jesus.
Matt McHugh lives in Utah, so he deals with these people a lot.
Fair enough.
And I have not dealt with Mormons
other than like them
kind of talking to you
and public... They're just kind of judgy.
They do have some cultish
things about them too.
Yeah, but they're just very...
And the Book of Mormon is fucking insane.
Have you ever read about it? Do you know?
There's like a history of Mormons,
but the first thing is it's their college.
Yeah, they have Brigham Young.
Brigham Young. Yeah.
Brigham Young. That was a guy's name.
I don't give a shit. Brigham Young.
And they're into multiple marriage.
Not anymore, officially.
Well, the part of the sect
that wanted to multiple wives,
they moved to Mexico. Yes.
There's a huge... Yes, Mitt Romney come from...
Yes, and they got attacked a couple years ago
for the cartels.
Oh, I don't know.
But no, I love Utah. Utah's a beautiful state.
But I do find Mormons to be quite judgy.
And there's a lot of them here.
Yes. And the Book is fucking insane.
I don't even know if you know what's in there.
But, so Joseph Smith,
he was from New York.
And he was a con man.
So he would go around just doing bullshit cons, right?
And one day,
he sees a preacher or something
and realizes, that's where the real mother fucker money is.
So he decides to write this goofy ass book.
It claims that
the Native Americans are one of the lost tribes
of Israel.
And that when Jesus came
to America and preached to them,
and when you die, you get your own planet.
Jesus came to America.
He came to America during his ministry.
I don't know. Read the book.
Jesus. Yes, Jesus.
Jesus. Jesus.
Jesus Christ from Israel.
Came to America when there was nobody here but Indians.
Yes.
And he spoke to them. Fair enough.
They're fucking insane, dude.
And I'm not going to tell the whole story.
Go look it up. It's absolutely fucking insane.
But what's the odds of the guy
who they named the university after
in a cult?
Be called Brigham Young.
And then finally, we have...
Brigham Young. We have R.N.
And R.N. wants me to burn the U.S. Constitution.
Oh.
So like I've said here many times on the show,
I am not a fan of the Constitution.
I think it's important, historical documents.
It's important to know it
so that when they
violate their own laws,
you can call them out on it.
But ultimately, it's bullshit.
It's based on
false ideas of authority.
It was actually a coup against the original colonies.
Yeah.
A lot of people don't know that.
The forefathers were considered
not terrorists, that's our word today.
But they were all being hunted to be killed.
Yeah. So the 13 colonies,
they declared independence in 1776.
They came up with
a document called the Articles of Confederation.
And this was essentially a treaty
between the 13 colonies that said
we all go to war together.
We all have free trade amongst each other.
And that's about it.
Otherwise,
you're a sovereign state.
Delaware is a sovereign state.
It gets to make its own laws.
New York is a sovereign state, whatever.
And then, so,
a lot of the founders were bankers.
Okay.
And they funded the Revolutionary War
by loaning money out.
Okay.
The founders were not getting paid back their loans.
Okay.
So what they wanted to do
was force the states
to pay them back their loans
via taxes.
But the Articles of Confederation did not allow
the federal government to force
taxes from the states. That's right, they didn't know.
So they made up this
claim that,
oh, we're just going to go and
make a few adjustments to the articles.
So every state sender delegates
to Pennsylvania, Philadelphia.
And we're just going to make some changes.
So once everybody's there,
back then, travel was hard and rough.
So you couldn't just go home.
So everybody was there and they say,
oh, we're just going to redo the whole government.
And if you don't like it, get the fuck out.
So they're like, oh, well, fuck.
And I guess we're stuck here.
So Madison writes the Constitution as we know it.
And it gives the federal government
the power to tax states
and tax people.
And all this other bullshit, which
has no place in our... There are some good things
in there, right?
No ex post facto laws,
like you can't pass a law.
And then, or you can't pass a law
today for what I did yesterday, right?
You can't do that.
But yeah, they do.
But nowadays.
Well, they've broken every fucking, every last bit of it.
So, and then, so
a couple years later, they came up with a bill
of rights to
to placate the people like me who are like,
this is bullshit. You can't do this.
So the bill of rights was like, oh,
but we're not going to take away your speech.
We're not going to take away your guns, which they're doing anyway.
So Constitution is bullshit.
I'm going to burn it.
So are you going to be, are you
going to burn like
it's original paper?
That would be nice. I don't think they're going to let me do that though.
No, no, no. I'm not saying go to the museum
and like fucking steal one. But it was on him paper.
No, we already covered that.
Are you going to try to fight one? No, it was on Lambskin.
I think you looked it up.
The drafts were on him. Okay.
And then the official one is on Lambskin. Okay.
But that was our three entries. So
Dianetics, Book of Mormon, US Constitution.
Let's see who wins.
R.N. Okay, buddy.
Better fucking collect this time. Oh, by the way,
we got a donation of
0.01 from Annanamush.
So R.N.
You're entitled to 0.02.
So pay attention.
Fucking come collect this time. Also,
since we only had three
and there were some items that
maybe some of you guys were hoping but you didn't get
to back to me on, I'm going to give Ron a chance
to tell me something he wants me to burn as well.
Oh, I want you to burn the gay flag.
Say that closer to the mic, please.
Okay, I do not condone this. I think
he's wrong for doing it.
Especially burning the American flag just because you can doesn't mean you should.
But if he wants to play this fucking stupid ass retarded game
and be like, oh, I'm going to be cool.
Burn something that might piss somebody off.
You can get away with
burning the American flag and people
are going to be like, oh, what a prick.
No, they won't.
No one's going to come up and get in your face.
Yes, they would. Dude, if you find like a gay guy,
he's going to be like, what?
No, no, no one's going to care about that.
So I do not condone this.
I want no part of this.
But if he wants to be cool man up,
man to fuck up and burn something that people
can actually get passionate about.
Matter of fact, can I tell you the way to burn it?
Maybe.
On the stick. Flying high.
Why not? Because they're going to fucking say,
oh, you're being a public nuisance to fire.
I got a fire pit, a legal fire pit, and a public park.
In a public park. Yes.
I looked up everything, dude.
You have to tell me which one you want to burn.
I don't care. I don't want you to do it.
Well, I'm gonna.
So we have the regular one, we have the trans one,
with the poo poo, chevrons.
Which one do you want me to burn here?
Whatever one you can find cheaply or for free.
But don't steal one from a bar.
I'm not stealing any flags. I'm going to buy all the items.
They're going to be all mine.
I highly recommend you don't do this.
It's not affiliated with Grand Decay or Rebit Dog Media.
It's going to be on the pocket.
Except, well, we show stupid shit on this podcast all the time.
So I'm fine.
If you want to show it on here.
You're such a coward.
It's not a coward thing.
One, I don't believe in burning the American flag.
That's because it's retarded.
Because you can. Well, technically you can or can't.
I'm not sure where that.
But you should be able to. It is free speech.
And then the, it's funny how it all went religion.
It's actually kind of funny to me.
I like it. I dig it.
I was honestly hoping I would get like an image of it.
I dig it. I was honestly hoping I would get like an Israel flag.
And a Palestine flag.
I was ready to go, man.
You guys missed out.
So maybe you have to wait until next year until.
You want to go to jail again?
Now you do this before or after the picnic?
After. I have to buy everything.
I still have to buy everything.
So if I show up at the picnic, you'll still be out of jail.
I'm not going to jail.
Dude, if the wrong person sees you burning the gay flag.
There's nothing illegal about it.
It's a hate crime. No, it's not.
I despise hate crimes.
I think they should.
But it's not a hate crime.
Okay. Nobody has ever gotten arrested
for burning their own flag
in a way that is consistent with the rules for burning things.
Um.
No, it's never happened. Okay.
Don't call me for bail.
I don't need to.
I'm going to show up the next fucking podcast
and you're going to watch the video
and you're going to see me burn all these things.
Are you going to be alone? No.
Okay.
Well, I'm going to have the camera guy
and then I'm inviting people
if they want to come and I can't control if they come or not.
Invite some gay people.
Dude, I don't know any gay people.
Yeah, there's a
um
the one guy who comes to the Libertarian parties.
Oh, yeah, I don't really know him.
He's a good guy. He hasn't shown up for a while.
But what do you think they're going to do? They're not going to do anything?
Dude, you get the
they're not going to know.
A military gay guy.
Okay.
He's going to duct tape you to a treatment.
I'm also strongly considering open carrying too.
Yeah, I just want to do that.
Because that's legal in Nevada.
You're allowed to carry without a license
and it will just discourage
idiots from being idiots.
You're a discouraged idiot from being
idiots going after an idiot.
How's that an idiot?
I'm burning it. I'm just burning things
in a public park. It's my rights.
I have nothing to do with this.
Because you're a bitch. Nope. I don't agree with it.
That's the problem. You're a bitch.
I don't I don't. You're afraid.
No, you are. You're afraid.
It's it's this fall.
This falls under the just because you can't doesn't mean you should file.
Yeah, no, it doesn't. But you should.
What what what what point
are you trying to prove? Well, I'm going to give a little speech too.
So I can't wait for that.
But that I mean the point is that I can't.
The point is like you don't have
I agree that you have the right to do it.
Right. But people think you don't.
So that's the reason you do.
Right. So the people do think that you don't have
the right to film in public.
So people go out and film in public. God, I hope you buy
a flag made in China and you go like that thing.
It's just like I want to get I'm only going to get cotton flags.
Oh, you are. Okay.
And I don't know where they're going to be made.
And I don't really give a shit. Well, it's cotton.
Yeah. But I mean some of this this
fiber. Hey, I'm an Eagle Scott.
Remember, I know how to burn things.
I'm a fucking pro. Do you know how to put yourself out
when you let yourself on fire? I won't let myself on fire.
Okay. Or when
someone else goes, I have a right to light him on fire.
Okay.
You're going to find out what happened to them.
All right.
I think we're done. I actually don't have a training
thing tonight, but I know you do. Oh my God.
And I can't do a work story because I'm so mad
about work right now. We were turned into a nasty ramp
and a company heard they probably fire me.
So.
All right. So Halloween's coming up.
So this is the perfect time to look at your disguise
kit. Right. So
all these spirit Halloween
stores are popping up everywhere. They do have
things that are useful in disguise kits.
So now's the time to go,
you know, refresh if you need to update it.
So let's talk about why you want
disguise first of all.
So maybe you're traveling in a high risk area.
So you're in a bad
neighborhood and you don't want
people to bother you. So
you where you're going with this because this is
weird. So you dress a certain way.
Okay. People not bother you. And you put
a mask on of a certain. Well, that just
don't get to that yet. That's don't reveal
my secrets. Okay.
So avoiding stalkers. So like
maybe you're a woman and your ex boyfriend is
stalking you. Okay. And you want to
escape him and telling you
disguise can help you do that.
If you're attending certain
protests or privacy focused
events. So some protests
depending on who's in power or depending
on what country you're from, the government
doesn't like that. And they're going to send people
to spy on you. Try
to get your car license plate and all that kind of shit. So
you want to have a disguise
even just a basic mask on your face.
I mean like the fucking ice is doing it.
So why are you doing it? Right.
So privacy focused events.
So like let's say you have a dark web meetup
and you want to meet up in person
to discuss certain things
you know you might want to have a disguise
for that so that nobody can know
who you are. The FBI agents that are there. Right.
Exactly.
Avoid being tracked by facial recognition devices.
So that's a very common thing
these days. There's cameras
fucking everywhere. A lot of them are feeding into
facial recognition so they can
determine who you are
and maybe you don't want them to know who you are.
So I have a question about facial recognition. Yeah.
So if I were to have glasses on. Yeah.
Like I wear because I'm old. Yeah.
And I had like little things hanging off of
like this in this direction. Yeah.
Would that throw off the points of facial recognition?
It might. It really depends a lot on the software.
Like what you want to do is
get some open source facial recognition software
and then just try it out. Yeah. See does this recognize me or not.
And then you can tweak your
your thing to. Because facial recognition
I mean I don't know if you know this or not
but it's getting out of control.
Oh yeah.
Is it the unemployment office
three years ago
my company had a downsize
because the real Saint Marker
was crashing and I inspected buildings.
I had to
go through facial recognition
to get unemployment.
Like I had to upload my I was
not happy about it. That's absurd.
But I had to like scan my face and scan
my driver's license.
That it's wrong
and it should be illegal. Yeah.
But I also want to know if you can throw it
off by wearing like glasses
or certain things on your face.
Yeah. I mean like I said get some for yourself
and play it play it with yourself.
See if you can fool it.
And then the last reason just for fun right. Yeah.
Just to see what you can do right.
So let's talk about disguises first. Wigs is a big thing.
You know Spirit Halloween
sells all sorts of fucking different wigs
and not just like crazy Halloween like wigs.
Yeah. But Marilyn Monroe
hair bald caps
all this kind of stuff that you can you can make
as a part of a normal disguise. And like
they don't look real. But the thing about
most people is they're not paying attention. No.
No. If you go to we went to
well what they call flea market
now all new shit
apparently someone's come out with
it's a baseball cap. Yeah.
With a weave. Yeah. And it actually
looks fairly real. Yeah. And apparently
like you know because so here's
the thing I used to say if you see
black women taking off their earrings
someone's getting their ass kicked.
Now if a black woman takes
off her weave fucking running
hide because they're going to kick everybody's ass.
So yeah. Look at look at some wigs
or bald caps.
Another thing if you're a man
if you normally have a beard you can
shave it off. If you normally don't have
a beard you can grow one. Right. Did you see
Keanu Reeves was just shaving off his beard.
Well I saw it. Bill and Ted's excellent. No no
he was a kid though. He said. So
I it's my belief that some people
should have a beard. And you've seen
Jason. Jason Mamo. We already went over
this. No I know but now Keanu Reeves.
This is one of our best performing clips of all time.
Really. Yes. But now Keanu Reeves
joins us. The thing. Oh god. That dude
grow your fucking beard dude. I'm sure
he's doing a movie role and probably one
of my favorite actors not necessarily in the
movies just in general. I think
that guy's actually a cool guy. Do you know
I said before but I'm going to say it again.
If you want to meet him he said hey
he has breakfast at the same spot in Hollywood
every day. Interesting. If he's in town.
So glasses. You mentioned
glasses. Now it might not
fool the facial recognition but it will fool
most people. So
if you especially
if people don't know you. So
there's this kind of distinction. Are
you trying to avoid people that know you
or are you trying to avoid people that don't know you
because glasses will
absolutely fool someone that doesn't already know you. Well
I want to gamble the Venetian again.
This is my lifetime ban. Yeah.
How would I do
that. Well like I said get some
facial recognition software and then do what you got to do to fool.
I don't go on the strip anyway because last time
I got banned for life. Prostetics
so they make like dental
prosthetics like fake teeth
nose prosthetics. Yeah I like that.
Cheeks anything that like
alters your facial structure like eyebrows all that kind of stuff.
Now
makeup right I know we're men we don't
wear makeup but makeup can help you
change your disguise can change your skin
tone. It can
cover up tattoos
facial scars or
or a muck and sealer.
Whatever. I don't know.
You can create tattoos right.
Oh yeah they have a sleeve a tattoo
and you can fool people from a distance.
Yep. Another thing you do
is keep in mind clothing
changes. So
when you're going out on one of these expeditions you
want to wear generic clothes
with plain boring colors
like plain blacks browns navy blue
things that aren't screaming to people
hey look at me. Yeah. No Hawaiian shirts
nothing with like
band logos none of that kind of shit. I believe
they make button down shirts or possibly even
t-shirts that you can actually
Sorry I didn't know.
I didn't know. You want
to match the environment you're in. So here in Vegas
in the dead of summer right don't fucking wear
a hoodie even though the hood's covered in your face and shit
right people are going to stand out to people.
No you wait until the 90s and you're local
like the temperature wise
90s and then you start putting your fucking jacket on
what the fuck is wrong with locals
I'm seeing them in the 90s they're wearing
fucking jackets and sweatshirts
it's 90 degrees out
So
you might want to have a bag with you and in that bag
have multiple outfits
or wear clothes that you
can be reversed. Yeah. So if you were talking about
button down shirts that you can take off real quick
and then spin around and then not a different color. Yeah.
So that will throw people off
Another thing you might want
to do is consider
talking into a phone or a bluetooth air piece
because when we walk around
we see people doing that. So like you're blending
in by doing that. It looks like you're not
paying attention but you really are because you're not
actually talking about it. So the phone throws off
because they gotta have different points. Right you have your hand in your face
so yeah
hmm so if you are
going to do the clothing change find good spots
a bathroom is great
because there's no cameras in a bathroom
going to a stall come right out
paying attention trust me they're not
phone booths if you're Superman
do you have phone booths anymore
there's a few in town
of uh there's some English
pubs in town. Okay. And they've got
the red one
so fab at it
oh yeah there's one by the Gordon Ramsay Fish and Chips
yeah but I'm sure if you go into a normal
phone booth I'm sure there's a homeless guy living in there right now
so you may have to
a lot of the elevators have cameras
so you want to check that first
um I mean just like
going around a corner so you go around a corner you get your
jacket right or a hat whatever
um another thing you can do
is uh have a limp a fake
limp. Okay. Right because if you're walking
normal and then you
you do a change and then you start limping
right they're not going to think oh the limping guy
is the guy we're looking for. Yeah because you can actually
with AI and cameras security cameras
you can set up for the way they walk. Yes
yes they do. Yeah. So another
thing to do with that um change the speed of
your walk or the length of your gate
um and be conscious about
the stuff so you understand how you normally
walk and then how you
walk alternatively uh the way you swing your arms.
Yep. So if you don't
swing your arms at all if you swing your arms
you're a psychopath if you were like walking without swinging your arms
if you swing them a lot. Have you ever seen someone
walking without swinging their arms all the time
it's fucking people walk like this now
right but that's still
like I'm talking like hands on the side
there's like what what
they're aliens they're fucking aliens
no human would walk that way
uh change your posture
so now I can't do this because
my back's all fucked up but if you can
like uh be straight
or curved or whatever like if you
can do that practice it
um but then my man boobs pop
hahahaha
uh so just carry things with
you like uh you have a book have a fake book
or not a fake book bag but an empty book bag that
has no value and then just ditch it right
um or
like books right carry books
with you or like again match the
environments right so if you're in a casino
uh carry a Louis Vuitton bag
not not the actual
bag but the store bag yeah that oh
I just shopped at Louis Vuitton right
people are walking around with those a lot
um if you have to
speak uh practice a fake
accent or alter your voice
so if you can do higher or lower uh speak
in a different accent the British accent
whatever like practice it's not that hard
uh and honestly the best way to
speak speak in a fake accent
is to make fun of the
accent you're making fun of
and it actually sounds kind of natural
so there was a guy um
I work with in Chicago and he's
from Romania and he mentioned
one time that he was trying to
shut his accent so he could speak more
American yeah and I said well just make
fun of what you think American sound
like and he goes like
we're all American
I like cowboys and
football and I might use sound exactly
like in America like I know you're
joking but you sound right so just do that
so yeah practice your fake
accents um here's a weird one
uh use colognes or other
scents so scent is actually
very um
in uh what's the word
embedded in our memory right no
no they say like
the smell of grass being cut reminds you of summer
yeah yeah so it yeah and you can bring
bring back
uh memories that you didn't have
through smell so it's actually that's actually
so for example if you're the if you're the
girlfriend trying to uh you're the ex-girlfriend
trying to escape her stalker ex-boyfriend
and he knows you wear a certain perfume
you would wear a different perfume
and like he would be thrown off
by well that's probably not heard right
um
let's see so if you're driving
uh don't park at the location
you're going to right park somewhere else and walk
you know it's good for you so get your steps in
um don't break your phone
right your phone is crackable um
and then this other cool
thing that I found online
it's a mesh face and this one's p-ditty
um it is
fucking scary how good these
fucking things look like if you walk
around like this the facial recognition
will not detect you uh people
aren't gonna notice unless they like stare at your
face um so would that
fool face or facial recognition I think this would
like if it's it's a far away
one I think it absolutely would huh
um yeah
this thing is amazing like you can get him online for like 20 bucks
uh and it's not
just p-ditty like there's tons of different things
you can only get p-ditty and free loop
comes with it that was the easiest one to find
and like so I work
glasses so I can't see shit right now
so uh one thing you can do
is like cut a hole
where your glasses would go yeah and then
put a grommet in there so it doesn't start stretching
right and then you can put your glasses
in there um
another like the lips obviously don't move so what
you can do is you can cut a hole in the lips
and then uh you can glue
them to your actual lips
so when you talk you look like you talk
and you can do the same thing with the eyes
huh so you I mean you can take this as far as you
want but like they do make latex
versions of this too they're pretty fucking
weird if you see the guy in Minnesota
that did the shootings
uh that the
Mickey Mouse hands hired to kill politicians
my opinion I could be wrong I probably
am on that one um but
um yeah so he had a latex one
that was pretty badass
yeah so go get yourself a mesh face I mean
20 bucks man you can't beat that shit
that's so weird man yeah um
so now let's talk about backstories because
with your disguise you might have to talk
to people and
people are curious creatures right like
you might go to the Scientology place and they're going to
ask you what your name is and where you live and
what's your background and all this shit and you want to be
prepared to handle that without necessarily giving them
the correct answers
um so what you want to do is you want to craft
several consistent backstories ahead of time
uh and one cool thing
you could do is write them down as
fictional short stories okay right
um because that will help you memorize because
humans are the we memorize
stories we don't memorize facts
um so write some stories and then
take over that person's identity essentially
okay um
so you want to choose generic things that are
hard or impossible to verify
especially in real time so like
um don't say the fucking
quarterback of a football team because
we all know who the quarterback is
um just be like oh I'm a plumber
or generic shit right and
things that people won't ask
further questions about right because if I say
I'm a poker player ooh what's playing poker like
do you count cards do you get this do you
get that how much money do you make
yeah but I honestly think if you say you're a plumber
they're gonna go have you been hitting
the head with a turd yet because they watched the
podcast everyone watches the podcast well so it's not like
I'm an insurance claims adjuster
no one's gonna shit on that
well yes people things people don't really
care about please tell me a story about
insurance yeah people very boring things
so just make sure you check on that ahead time
um and then you want to know which
backstory you're using on a given day
because you don't want to fucking mix that shit up
right so you want to keep them stories in your brain
just like you do with movies right if I were to give you
um the plot of a movie you would instantly
be able to tell me right who that guy was
right if I told you oh he grew up on a moisture
farm and his father was a famous
starfighter pilot and then
when he grew up he became a
a warrior with a laser sword is this like a
star wars thing yeah okay so you already know
see no no I don't realize I got it is
uh what was the farm kind of farmers it
moisture farm yeah there's no such thing as a
moisture right well not not an earth yeah
yeah yeah so I think that's the only reason
like well that this might be star wars
but if I threw in a fact in there like
and he uh he killed Virgil Solazo
and captain McCluskey while the train was
going in the back you'd be like wait
that's the godfather it's two different
movies right you would know I wouldn't
okay well I've watched the godfather like
one time my god it's the best movie I'm
not it is the best movie I probably
wouldn't argue that but I just haven't
watched it but if I said if I whatever
goofy as a movie you're into if I if I
mixed and matched from two different
movies yeah you would know oh that's wrong
right so you want to keep your stories
consistent yeah because you can always say
you were raped and use a story from law
order I mean why not and then you'll win
well no you actually won't win the rape
case yeah but you'll win the
defamatory case when the guy goes what
the fuck is that dumbass bitch talking
about that's a fucking certain law and
order she's a dumbass bitch and the judge
goes I don't have to talk about it
um so like I said people if you if you say
something that's interesting issues
people will ask you questions so you want
to think about what questions people would
ask and then write down the answers to
those questions into your story yeah so
if you're gonna go with poker player
um find a poker player and then ask him
what you want to ask him and find out if
a straight flush beats a full house
because no one knows that except poker players
straight flush beats a full house okay but
a normal flush does not correct see see
yeah talk to a poker player because who
no one knows yeah you want to be able to
answer that kind of shit um just think
about what you would want to know about a
person who does that job or what you think
someone might ask that person talk to
your friends right play you know play
role play shit where you uh
ask each other these questions and
pretend to be this job or whatever
backstory you're coming up with and again
make sure you're consistent right you don't
want to fucking say something that contradicts
something else you just said and then like
that's gonna alert people that hey so
something's wrong with this guy right you just
want to be generic you want to be in the
background you want to be if you were
an apedity master you're gonna go that dude
looks like apedity there's something wrong with
that guy well if you're just walking around
looking at you I swear to god I'm gonna try
that's pretty fucking I actually want to
walk around on the strip at night and
going into casino your your band for I'm
not gonna do that I don't want to do that
um but I will go into casinos that I'm
allowed into and see what happens yeah so
actually you remind me of a work story I'll go ahead
and tell you this this work story happened
15 years ago so I so I don't even need
to change the names
um because all I need my brother bitches one
and uh it actually is a kind of a funny
story so there's a backstory so I lived in a
high I worked in living a high rise and so my wife
obviously lived there with me and sure come
into play in a second um we had this guy
named Michael and he was British and he
had the British accent but he had lived in
America for like over 20 years Michael
and might and he kept the British accent
which comes into play in a second um so
the type of guy this was is my manager
and my regional manager were sitting in
their office in the manager's office
and I'm not too far from the door he
walks through the door and yes my manager
name was rainbow which is that's what it was
she was had to be parents she had to be parents
but that was like the name on her birth certificate
uh I figured her son her brother's name was
like Raven or ransom ransom um
which I never followed up with that because
why why ransom was he held for ransom
it's similar to rainbow it's uh similar to
rainbow but rain okay um and so Michael
walks up to my the manager's door looks
at my manager and goes rainbow you know
I've always wanted to fuck you and I look at him
and he looks at my district manager goes
oh I'd fuck you too and I grabbed him
like yep Michael we're going home I'm
taking you home he's like oh I'm sorry
I'm really coked up that's the that's the
classic guy we're talking about so come
forth in July we're all hanging out in
the party room he comes walking in
whoo happy fourth of July everybody my wife
being who she is goes what are you doing
because we're celebrating the fourth of
July she goes do you know why we're
celebrating the fourth of July it kind
of involves the country you're from
even though you've been over 20 years you
still have the same accent from which is
weird you didn't really shed your accent
unless you try to no 20 years really
it's like it unless you try to do it
you're never gonna get rid of it okay I
guess I because of you stop talking the
way you talk I mean I don't talk as
southern as I used to yeah I mean I
yeah but I don't know I bet you if you
go back there you're gonna start fucking
right up again well you would but it's
you're you're mimicking what you hear I
don't know maybe you could maybe that and
maybe that is true but it was just funny
that he was celebrating the fourth of July
and my wife goes we got a problem here
you're celebrating the fourth of July and we
kicked her ass in the country and yeah
here we go here we are oh she also did
another guy my wife's actually my how I
my wife is she's the nicest person you
never gonna meet or the meanest to
treat her and this one dude's a voice over
guy I've also for you know if you know any
voice over guys yeah well not known but
I've met them at the poker table they're
all fucking weird yes yes okay so we
got voices for kids cartoons that's
creepy as fuck he was really good yeah
but I bet the subway guy oh that's a
whole of the story Jared no no that's
your what no because he was too busy fucking
kids well yeah no the voice over guy
who got sucked oh eat fresh yeah he
literally had a mental breakdown in the
lobby of my building I'll get that I
run over the same building as Michael the
UK guy but it was just so so same
building the voice over guy walked in
he was just weird very strange and made
a weird comment to my wife my wife goes
you know the guy's name was Ronald and
because you know Ronald you remind me of
a rotten pumpkin and everyone's like what
the fuck did she just say she goes you're
still kind of looking nice on the outside
but you're just disgusting on the inside
oh dear god that's my wife this I
probably could I could do like wife
stores that would be fucking hysterical
well no names oh I guess you can't find
her name her name is Venice I can't
even know but no no she but she is
that sweet supposed to ever gonna meet
in there she pissed her off that's it for
me all right then so bark use this
weekend I'm making some fucking tasty
ass burgers I'm gonna do some hot pepper
ice cream fuck you if you're not coming
you're gonna miss the hot pepper ice cream
if you haven't tried it try it sometime
it's fucking amazing but we will
see you next week yep bye bye everybody
thank you for joining us at the
Canadian The Cage podcast don't forget to
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you